I Don’t Know How She Hosts Lunar New Year During a Rehearsal Week

About this Artist Caregiver

I’m a mixed-race (Asian/White) ciswoman in my late thirties. I’m the full-time artistic director of a theatre for young audiences (TYA) company in western Canada. We build touring shows that travel directly to schools around our province and send artists to work creatively in schools for up to two weeks at a time. I also have a part-time gig as the director of a theatre camp that caters to nearly three hundred teens each summer. Finally, I juggle work as a freelance director and dramaturg to continue to grow my career.

I have two young children, A (five years old) and H (two years old), as well as a seven-year-old labradoodle that I am raising with my husband.

Village:

We couldn’t manage any of the work we do without an exceptional full-time daycare. We also have very supportive parents. My mom lives nearby and is a huge help (but she is also the primary caregiver for her parents, who are in their nineties!). She’s great at helping us bridge childcare gaps (an hour after school, a doctor’s appointment, etc.), and for helping us walk our dog on busy weeks. My husband’s parents live about ninety minutes away by car and will stay with us on particularly arduous weeks. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law live less than two kilometers away from us and have two young children of their own. They will often watch one of our kids if we’re in a bind. My sister lives in a nearby suburb, about twenty-five minutes away by car.

Financial Impact:

My husband and I were together for over a decade before having children, and we did a great deal of financial planning before choosing to have children. I think we both tend to be cautious spenders, and our high degree of financial compatibility played no small role in keeping us together through our twenties. Now, we are both in secure but demanding jobs. He works in the financial sector, and I often feel aware that we are in a higher income bracket than many of my artist peers.

Healthcare is free in Canada, but our jobs also offer benefits. Between our two places of employment, we have access to mental health supports, massage, physio, dental, orthodontics, and eyeglasses.

Daycare is pretty subsidized in our province—though some recent changes have been pretty controversial. Daycare works out to $15 CAD per day per child, which is incredible, but the controversy is that before April 2025, daycare was scaled based on income. $15 per day is great, but it’s actually more than what the poorest folks were paying and less than what the richest folks were paying at this time last year. We pay a little extra for our children to get meals directly from the daycare and to take dance and music classes. The daycare also offers French class once a week to the older children.

We moved to this city after I was hired as artistic director for this company. I had been searching for jobs in the area to be closer to family; we wanted our kids to be nearer to their cousins. This choice was definitely tied to our caregiving needs, as we both have demanding jobs. We’ve managed thus far out of sheer stubbornness, but having family nearby has been a gamechanger.

My husband is very supportive of me and my career. He is always encouraging me to consider gigs to find the best balance that will support my career and fit with our family. He knows how intense theatre can be and is truly the best at helping me strategize for any semblance of work-life-balance. I limit myself to one out-of-town gig per year (away from my family for about four weeks). I used to do a lot more travel before having kids. Having a full-time job allows me to do less gig work and focus on the gigs that feel most exciting.

Diary

Monday

My freshly minted five-year-old, A, wakes me up by crawling into bed at 7:15 a.m. (his birthday was last week). It’s Family Day up in Canada, so the kids have no daycare. Alas, rehearsal stops for no holiday! My husband takes A downstairs to play while he runs on the treadmill, and I get ready for the day. I shower, make breakfast, and wake up our two-year old, H by 8:15 a.m. We eat breakfast together, and I help A practice his reading and writing before packing my lunch and leaving for rehearsal by 9:30 a.m. 

Since it’s a statutory holiday, my husband is home with the kids and does the lion’s share of the work getting them dressed and ready for the day.

I’m currently directing a new play that will tour to junior high and high schools next month, and we’re at the start of our second week of rehearsal. My husband brings the kids by for lunch. He goes to get a coffee and take a break while I eat with the kiddos. We have a picnic on the floor in the rehearsal hall, and they chat with me about their morning while we eat. After lunch, we play a rousing game of chase around the stage, where A makes up increasingly complicated rules to ensure that I don’t catch him, and H is happy to play along.

They want to stay for a bit of rehearsal, so they stick around for about forty-five minutes to watch us work and ask some questions—truly one of the highlights of working in TYA is how willing everyone is to accommodate young people in the space.

After rehearsal, I stay to try to catch up on emails and other work that I would have done during a non-rehearsal week. I head home to relieve my husband. I intend to keep the kids inside, but they’ve been cooped up too long, so we end up dividing and conquering. A to joins my husband and the dog on a walk to the local dog park. H sticks around to help me bake cookies (he loves working the mixer), make dinner, and meal prep for the week ahead.

We eat together, and then it’s bedtime routine. Bath, playtime, books and sleep by 8:30 p.m. This leaves me enough time to read my book and sneak in a thirty-minute dog walk. There’s a winter storm blowing in, and it’s cold. I come home, pack lunch for the next few days, then settle in for more quality time with my book and bedtime by midnight. 

Tuesday

We wake up before the kids today, and I get in a little stretch before showering and meeting the family for breakfast that my husband prepared. I am on daycare duty this morning, dropping the kids off by 9:00 a.m. and heading to work to catch up on email. We rely on our car in the winter (we cycle in the summer!), but everything is close by. It’s only a five-minute drive to daycare, followed by an eight-minute drive to the office.

Since we are in good rehearsal shape (knock on wood), I’ve switched to shorter rehearsal days this week—one of the perks of being the director is setting your own schedule. We rehearse 11:00 a.m.-4:00 p.m., and I have to take a meeting over lunch. I also receive a mid-day email that is significant and I suspect will shift the course of my week.

After work, I pick up the kids. I drop A off at home and receive a snack for H. We drive to his gymnastics class (about ten minutes in traffic), which helps him blow off steam from his entirely indoor day at daycare. It’s -20 degrees Celsius and snowing—too cold for the kids to go outside!

We come home to a warm family dinner. I play with the kiddos while my husband washes up, and then we head upstairs for bedtime routine. The kids fall asleep late tonight, and I have to scrape myself out of A’s bed. I manage to squeeze in a run on the treadmill—which really helps me process the events of the day—before taking a shower and heading to bed.

Wednesday

H is the first one up this morning at about 6:45 a.m. He joins me in bed, and we snuggle and read books while my husband showers. I get ready while the boys play, and we all eat breakfast together around 8:00 a.m. My husband handles drop-off today, so I stay back and walk the dog before heading in to work. I arrive early enough to get some desk work done before rehearsal and a production meeting.

I am able to head home at 4:30 p.m. to walk the dog and prepare dinner. The boys arrive home at 5:00 p.m., and we chat about our days before sitting down to eat at 5:30 p.m. A has Beaver Scouts tonight, which he loves. It’s a parent drop-off activity, but since he’s the youngest in his troupe, I stick around. I chat with another parent who stays behind, and we reflect on the power of child-led play. They’re doing “target practice” with two-liter pop bottles and blocks, and the troupe leader intentionally gives them quite a bit of freedom. Beavers is a late night, so we get home at 8:00 p.m. and wind down for sleep by 8:45 p.m. I have work to do tonight: a little bit of office catchup, a lot of prep for the next show I’m directing (a freelance gig), and a few loose ends for another contract I’m juggling. I also finally have a chance to consult with my husband about yesterday’s significant email. I’m with my laptop until midnight.

Thursday

My husband has to work today in a large city that’s a three-hour drive away. So it’s an early morning for us, and he is on the road before the kids are awake. I have breakfast with them, drive them to daycare, and then head straight into rehearsal. I squeeze in a lunch meeting with a friend and community activator, which is invigorating but entirely too short.

My mom helps us out by coming by to walk the dog midday. The dog is crate trained, so she can stay inside for eight hours, but we don’t love that for her. I don’t see my mom, but her help makes a huge difference in alleviating my dog worries on this solo parenting day.

I pick up the kids after work and give them some screen time while I cook because I am tired from staying up too late last night. We have a successful, easy dinner: nuggets, sweet potato fries, and roasted broccoli. Both boys are a bit tired and cranky tonight. Perhaps I am, too, from a lack of sleep and the general anxiety I’ve been carrying about decision-making this week. Their dad arrives home while they are in the bath, and we put them to bed together. I drag myself to do a short yoga video then walk on the treadmill while I finish reading my book.

Friday

I wake up to discover that A had snuck himself into our bed last night without either of us noticing. Perhaps this is a sign of how tired we both are. We talk to him about trying to spend the night in his own bed (he’s truly usually very good at this), and then we wake up H and all head downstairs for breakfast. My husband is on daycare drop-off and pickup duty today.

Rehearsal goes well. We start to integrate sound cues today and cap the week off with a run of the show. I stay late in an attempt to clean out my inbox before the weekend. I come home to dinner but unfortunately get sidetracked by an extended phone call related to Tuesday’s email, so my husband fields the kids and I eat later. It’s not the Friday evening I had envisioned, but these things happen.

We all play together before bedtime. A accidentally whacks his head on the floor while we’re playing, resulting in a goose egg! I feel terrible. We give him an ice pack and monitor him for a while (he seems normal). We read books and put the kids to sleep.

I sneak out for a cocktail with a friend. We planned this like a month ago, and it’s very nice (and so adult!), but I already know I will be tired tomorrow.

Saturday

We have a lazy morning with everyone reading stories in bed together. We eat a family breakfast before cleaning house. I duck out to get my nails done with a dear friend and enjoy some grown-up conversation.

I come home in time to make lunch while my partner walks the dog. He notices that our community center is hosting a winter festival (that’s what “Winter Fest” meant in my Google calendar!). So we bundle up the kids and take them out. It’s only a few hundred meters away, so we walk. We delight in a very Canadian afternoon with a horse and wagon ride, maple syrup candies (made on snow), and a fiddle circle complete with dance lessons. Everything is free as the whole event is paid for by the community association. It’s really nice to see the neighborhood out in full force.

I have to spirit A away to swimming lessons, so we duck out while H goes for yet another horse and wagon ride. After swimming, we make a brief stop to pick up dessert, as we are hosting my extended family for Lunar New Year dinner tonight (fourteen people in total). My mom picks up takeout from my grandparent’s favorite restaurant and brings it to our house. We exchange red packets for the kids and sit down to feast. Hosting this side of the family can be pretty exhausting. My mom is the eldest daughter, and I’m her eldest daughter, so maybe the call to taking care of everyone just runs in the family…

The kids are exhausted, so we put them to sleep before all the cousins leave. After cleaning the house again, I sit down at my computer for a bit more work: writing program notes for the freelance gig I am rehearsing next month and some preliminary grant writing for a proposal due next Friday for my theatre company. 

Sunday

Sunday! I sleep in a bit while my husband wakes up early to exercise. Both boys are in our room by 7:30 a.m., and by 8:00 a.m. he tags me out to hang out with the kids while I prepare breakfast. It’s an easy morning, and we decide to go as a family to A’s makeup swimming class at 10:30 a.m. (I love that the lessons we are in allow us to schedule makeup classes). He’s hit a bit of a mental block, so we think that the whole family might be good moral support.

After swimming, we drop off books at the library and head to the mall to have food court lunch and get groceries. A also wants to look at the Lego store to spend some of his lucky money from Lunar New Year. H and I look at the bookstore but ultimately don’t purchase anything.

In the afternoon, all of the first cousins come over for a play date (five kids, including my own), along with my sister, my husband’s brother, and my mom. I try to sneak in a treadmill run, but after three kilometers the children have descended upon me. I go upstairs to be social—and because too many of these kids are curious about the treadmill. We catch up with our families, and they all head out by dinner time. We have a peaceful family dinner and then start the winddown routine. Everyone is asleep relatively early, but H wakes up within two hours, pulling at his ear. We give him Tylenol but fear another ear infection is imminent. My husband stays with him while I sneak away to work on that grant application due next week.

Reflections

Spotlight on Artistry:

This has been an interesting and somewhat unusual week, with an email that set off a string of events that weren’t quite appropriate to include in this diary. Now that time has passed, I can share that I received a very exciting job offer. Several of my evenings were taken up with negotiations, which included phone calls to mentors and arts professionals in the city to ensure I was doing my due diligence before accepting the job. This meant my evenings were quite full, and my daytimes (and parenting) carried a bit more anxiety than would be usual. To that end, the thorny question I was grappling with was: How do we maintain professional secrecy when community building (and knowledge sharing) is the basis of so much of our work? 

Spotlight on Caregiving:

One unexpected learning I had this week was really a byproduct of journaling while thinking about parenting. I spend a lot of time feeling like I’m not doing enough as a mom, but when you take the time to write it all down, it feels like quite a bit. It’s nice to be able to reflect on the work-life balance that is reflected in the week, even though that's not what it feels like from the inside.

Spotlight on Support Systems:

Honestly, my mom does so much! She’s caring for her parents, who are both in their nineties, and she lost her husband, my dad, less than one year ago. She lives about thirty minutes away, and the fact that she’ll drop by after a full day with her parents just to walk our dog for us is incredible. She brought me flowers as a thank you for hosting Lunar New Year—even though she paid for all the food and wouldn’t accept our money. I’m very lucky to have her in my life and so grateful for all that she does.

And I will always shout out my husband. I could not do the job that I do without his love and support. He always wants the best for me, and even though he’s the breadwinner in our family, he takes my job just as seriously. I cannot appreciate that enough.